What is going on today

Things are much better than what I thought. I should stop letting my fears get the better of me. I should also have more trust in love.   If my sweetie truly loves me, and I know that he does, then he won't be driven away by a couple of mispoken words.  He tried to tell me that last night and I wasn't listening. Tonight as soon as the girls got into the car, they asked if Angel was back. I told them he wouldn't be back until tomorrow.  I sent him a text asking if he could call before the girls went to their dad's, and he did just that. I know he went out of his way to do that.   That showed me that everything will be okay, and I needed to chill out.  I should realize that not everyone is as shallow as my exes. I should trust my own choices.  I wouldn't be interested in anyone who was that shallow. 

I am such a fool. I may have screwed up the best thing that has ever happened to me. He wanted me to consider if I could handle him traveling. The thing is that I can. For some unknown reason I felt I needed to put conditions on it. I sent him a text this morning asking him if he would be away more than he was home. When he called me about it, I said all the wrong things.  I am not as good at speaking as I am at writing. I swear, I should just cut out my tongue and write everything. Well, he had to get back to work, and he promised to call when he got done today, which should be any minute now. I guess I could handle him being gone more than he is here, as long as I knew he was still keeping in good contact with me and I knew his heart was still with me.   My heart is definitely with him right now in South Dakota. I miss him. On a positive note, just two more days. Oh, and one more thing: I hate Sundays. 

Today was a typical Saturday.   Dinner at mom's, and a movie.   Mom cooked turkey roll.  I brought my frozen root beer float pie.  We watched Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.   I thought I had seen that movie but I hadn't.   Lexy put up an awful fuss, but she did wind up enjoying it.  I found my mind wandering to my sweetie, wishing he was there with us.  This is the first dinner with my mother he has missed since we have been together.  That is another thing I love about him, is that he does like my family.  I am finding that there are things that are truly important that I hadn't thought of as being important before.  Angel told me that he would make it so I would hold others to a higher standard.  In one short month, he has done just that. He has truly shown me what can be expected of a guy.  I hope I can show him the freedom one can have and still be true and respectful within the relationship.  I think we both have a lot to learn and to teach each other. 

Last night was a full night. Took my mom and brothers shopping, came home, made 2 root beer float pies.  Fell asleep watching Dr. Who.  I have been thinking how my life has been panning out lately. January and February were my hell.  March and April and May were my escape and regroup. June and July were my adventure.  August was my settling down and strengthening.  September was my dream.  So what will October bring me? My birthday is coming. I wanted it to be a special birthday, not ignored by others like the past few have been.  Leon was never very good at celebrations.  My last mother's day was almost non-existent. Of course we were separated, but still, it shows a lack of thankfulness for the girls.  Truth be told, the last 10 mothers days have been non-existent.  When we were young we made a lot of the couple of holidays we did celebrate.   Then when I was with Leon, I ran into nothing but apathy.  I swear, from now on I want every opportunity to celebrate to be taken advantage of. I want the rest of my life to be a happy adventure. 

What can I say that I haven't said before?   Yes I still miss my sweety that isn't going to be back until Tuesday.   I have some very interesting news.   I found out that the wanderer got married September 15th.  The really interesting part of it is that I had been talking to him nightly, yet he never told me he was engaged. In fact he slipped around the question if I even asked about girlfriends.   It makes me wonder what his intention had been.  He is neither here nor there. I have everything that I need in my life to make me happy.   If only this divorce could be finalized so I can get on with the rest of my wonderful life.   I have a feeling I have plenty of adventure waiting for me.