What is going on today

Wow my emotions have been weird lately.  I started out the weekend afraid that I was getting too involved at too "love struck" for the current situation.  After a weekend of calming down and then spending an afternoon with the Knight, MY feelings in general have calmed down.  I am no longer having unrealistic expectations of anyone.  I have my feelings back on the right track and ready for an evening of conversation with The Wanderer without making any inappropriate suggestions.  The funny thing is I had all of my arguments in line ready to go, now that I look at them I feel every single one of them is rather foolish.  When am I going to stop being a foolish little girl looking for anyone to accept her?  I know longer believe in the concept of Mr. Right.  There is no perfect someone out there for each and every one of us.  It is everyone muddling through life trying their best to get along with each other.  Occasionally we run into someone who we click with a little better than everyone else.  That person winds up filling one of two roles...either a romantic interest or a good friend.  I get a feeling right now I just need to surround myself with good friends.  Hopefully one or two of them will give me an extra benefit or two.

I had a nice visit with the Knight today. We talked all afternoon.  I told him what I've been up to.  (He asked about Vas and Loki).  I was thoroughly surprised at how many of my old friends he has contact with.  HOLY COW.  I have begun to realize as I keep running into all my old friends that barely anyone has come out of the last 15 (sometimes more) years unscathed.  Everyone has a different story and most of them tragic.  The more I think about it the more I think Vas must be right.  There must be a god because how else would everyone I used to know have such horrific experiences.  She feels that we are amusement to god.  He directs our lives to his entertainment.  The quality of the entertainment however isn't even worth B-movie status.

I always enjoy my Saturday visits with my mom and brothers.  We always get into interesting political and religious discussions.  Todays main topic was abortion.  All of us do truly feel strongly against abortion on a personal level.  In fact I don't believe I would personally get an abortion unless both mine AND the child's lives were at risk.  Yet on a political level we feel abortion should be legalized.  I am pretty much on the fence about it.  How does harm none do as you will translate?  It is harming the child, yet it is encroaching on a woman's rights.

The other topic we discussed was religion.  I have been considering going from agnostic to atheist.  The more I look at all the different arguments in reguards to the existence of God, I tend to fall on the atheist point of view of things.  I am not completely willing to let go of the possibility as of yet. 

Last night was a lot of fun but not in the way most people would expect.  I saw The Wanderer yesterday, but only for about 5 minutes when he first arrived in town before I went to work.  The poor boy was sleep deprived and overslept.  Normally he drives overnight and then sleeps till about 3 or 4.  He slept until 6.  Then when he checked in to see what the plan was, he was immediately sent out without any oppertunity for visitation.  Yes I was disappointed, but I was not upset.  I think I am starting to get too emotionally involved.  I have been moving my social live to exclusivity without there being any promise of it.  He doesn't want to get into ANY relationship because he is always on the road and can't spend a lot of time with anyone.  I can understand that.  Yet he is talking about requesting lots of runs to Fargo.  I need to put on the breaks because if I keep going down this path someone (probably me) will get hurt because expectations will wind up being set higher than one can be met.  I need to tread lightly now because I want to save a friendship as well as a heart.

The reason why it was fun was because my coworker got tickets to Shrek the musical, its a play put on by the collaberation of all the Highschool students in the area.  The girls enjoyed the show and had a lot of fun.

I had the worst day at work today but tomorrow looks like it is going to be fucking awesome!!! The Wanderer is finally wandering up here.  I am excited and a little nervous.  I can't wait.  Hope he isn't too disappointed, I don't think he will be.  I am not going to get my hopes up too much, I guess I will just see what happens.  Who knows I may even wind up on Pluto again.  I just hope this won't be a replay of my visit with the Poet.