What is going on today

Tonight was the last night of a long interesting weekend.  I find that I am desiring to spend time with the Enforcer constantly.  When he is not around, I can't get him out of my head.  He wants to become exclusive.  He keeps pointing out that I keep coming back.  I told him straight out that I need to answer one question before I can agree to being exclusive;  Is my desire to be with him because I crave attention, or because I want to be with HIM?  He tells me he is fine either way.  I just don't want to be unfair to him, which also mean I was being unfair to myself and the girls.  I guess I have a lot of thinking to do.  Then my general mistrust of guys is rearing its ugly head again.   Man, when I thought I had all the ill effects kicked, they come back again to haunt me.  When will I be over it?

Today was fun,  Mickey came over for lunch.  We had Papa Murphey's and pink lemonade cheesecake for lunch.  The girls had a lot of fun with Mickey.  It doesn't currently look like moving in with him will be an option .  This is actually fine with me.  I am a bit hesitant to have a roommate because of the girls.  I do need to, however get into a 2-bedroom one of theses days.  Hopefully this divorce gets finalized pretty soon.  Then I would have my paycheck opened up a bit and I could afford it.

I don't know what to think of the Enforcer.  He is coming on extremely strong immediately.  I guess when I knew him 12 years ago he had wanted to be involved, but I was unaware.  It seems I make a pretty strong impression on most of the lives I touch.  A lot of people who don't remember much about a given time period, remember me.  I guess I am a bit taken aback.  While I desire to be accepted and have someone to curl up to, as well as desire to be special to someone, I guess I am a bit in shock.  I want a friend, I want someone I can talk to, have fun with.  I want that more than anything.  Even after I mentioned my romantic desire, I found them completely unimportant to me.  My biggest desire at this time is having thoughtful conversations with someone of a like mind, or spend time with someone with similar interests.

wow its 4:24 am.  I guess technically it is Saturday, but I haven't gone to bed yet.  I have spent the night talking to the Enforcer.  He was another old friend.  Interesting enough he is also an atheist.  We have caught up on a lot of our lives for the last 12 years.  This is one friend that not many of my other friends knew.  I have been quite an independant woman for the last couple of months, ever since I decided to take a step back from the wanderer.  I am not nearly as needy as I was.  Even Dil hasn't gotten much of a workout lately.  I guess we will see what the future brings

Well, back to school night went well.  The girls are both looking forward to starting school on Tuesday.  Their teachers seam really nice.  I got each of then a cute outfit to wear to back to school night.  I ran into another friend I haven't seen in 11 years.  I have stopped searching out old friends, but they are all coming out of the woodwork.