What is going on today

Here I sit alone in my house on a Sunday afternoon.  The interesting thing about it is that I no longer hate Sunday's.  My sweety is off helping his sister in law move some stuff.  I feel comfortable and at peace.  My sweety promises a fun evening of interesting fun and drinks.  I hope not to be too hung over when I go to work in the morning.  Of course when I was younger I barely became hung over.  These are going to be the first friends of his that I will be spending any time with.  I don't know what to think of this prospect.  He had told me once that if he ever thought for a moment I was hiding him or denying him that he would go his own way.  I know very well where 2 of his friends live, but I have yet to spend time with any of them.  I have even spent some time in his sister-in law's house, but only when she was gone.  I saw her once, but just in passing.  Same with his friend's at the other place.  I don't know, it seems a little odd, not sure what to make of it.  Maybe I am reading too much into it.  It is all his decision not going to press him to do anything that he does not want to do.

I had been looking back at some of the first entries into my blog.  It seems almost like a totally different person back then.  I guess part of it is that now that my sweety has come into my life, some of the loose ends that kept coming back to haunt me have quieted down and put themselves into place.  For instance, i finally feel like I am at home in my apartment.  This whole time it was like coming to a stranger's home.  I guess the only issue I have with the whole thing is that he has talked about toughening me up.  The only thing he doesn't realize is that if he toughens me up, it will destroy the parts about me he likes.  He also has to understand that I do have a tough side.  I have had to work hard not to become bitter and cold to the world which has chewed me up and spit me out so many times over.  Each time I have managed to come back with a sweet smile and a warm and cheerful dispostion. 

Yesterday started out in hell at work but wound up being a pretty good day.  My sweety is turning out to be an absolute joy for my girls.  He will go the extra mile and then some for them.  He and Alexis finished up a project together.  They actually casted and painted a toy car for her.  Alexis and my sweety seem to really be bonding well.  I told him that no matter what happens between him and I it looks like he has a friend for life in my lil girl.  He agreed.  One thing I am very impressed with is that he has been approaching both of my girls as individuals instead of lumping them together as many people seem to like to do.  He gives credit to Alexis for her age and responsibility instead of looking at her as younger than she is because of her little sister.  That is one thing I noticed a lot of people had tended to do.

My sweety and I finally took of the forbidden fruit last night and as he puts it "cursed" at each other.  In other words we said "I love you."    He pointed out to me that we were moving awfully fast, maybe even too fast.  I agree that we have moved quickly, but with what him and I have I don't want to ruin it by playing games and placing restrictions.  He had been starting to confuse me.  On one hand he could put me on a high enough pedastal yet on the other hand he had not wanted to "curse" at each other.  That suggested to me that he didn't have complete confidence, that he was unsure of me, that there was more to be proven.  So I had been confused.  Now the confusion has been cleared up and we can move forward with this beautiful thing that has a mind of its own.  If you look at the overview of the whole thing, we took 12 years to get to where we are.

I just spent a half an hour in the parking lot in my car alone in the dark thinking.  I was thinking about the events of the day and how everything came together.  We took the girls out to the Fargodome where a television station had a 50th anniversary party.  There was free bouncy games for the kids.  My sweety was almost like another kid and I was loving him more and more every minute as I watched him interact with my girls.  Oops I wasn't supposed to say that.  Oh well.  Then we took them to dairy queen afterward for desert.  We were laughing and joking and having a good old time.  Then when I went to drop the girls off is when there was trouble in paradise.  My sweety and I had our first major arguments about the next couple of events that took place.  I have deleted the rest of the original blog entry, because the exact contents of that argument are no one's business but our own.  What I will say however is that I have not very often seen a better handled argument.  We each stated our perspective, assurances made, and both came out happier than when we went into it.  It also helped me clarify for myself one little quirk I have:  I am MUCH better at writing out my feelings than stating them.  That is why my blog needed revising.