I am going to address the elephant in the room. No one is aware that is there besides myself. Back in August Angel walked into my life. The first three months were ideal. We hit it off so quickly that he moved in without officially
moving in. He made me feel like the most special person on earth. Then the incident happened. I raised my voice to him once. It wasn't habitual it was one mistake. As I look back on the incident with imperfect memory I am not sure that
I even raised my voice, but he claims I did. Then after a week's delay where he carried as business as usual he moved out.
Now as wonderful as those 3 months were that is how horrible the next 4 months were. He claimed we were
still together, that he wanted the relationship,but he wanted to step back and take it slow like we should have in the first place. I told him that it was almost impossible to go backwards, but I was ignored. Those 4 months I was in a constant
state of confusion. He claimed we were still together but he didn't act like it. I was lucky if I saw him once a week. When I told him I wanted more time, he said he didn't have it because his friends had stuff planned, but he really did
care.
I started giving him his space and letting him contact me, then a couple times a month went by with no contact. During one of those times, I texted him a break up becasue he wasn't answering his phone and I wanted to move on, he called
me. I was on my way to visit Kristian and he told me that he considered us still together and he had been faithful to me the whole time.
Angel rode the line. He paid as little attention to me as he could,
yet every time I had a problem he would say just the right thing to keep me hanging on. In retrospect I think he just wanted to keep the bank open.
This left me feeling like I was worthless, left me with a ton of insecurity, and
now the elephant in the room. Shawn does not realize just how broken I am and how lately he has been unintentionally hitting a nerve. I know Shawn is not Angel and that he is genuine. He has not once offered anything more than friendship,
so I am trying my hardest to be as dispassionate.
I have a tendency to get too attached too quickly, that is what I am currently having some fierce inner struggles about. For the most part I am winning, keeping my feeling at the
appropriate friendship level, please forgive me if I occasionally slip,and please lay out some clear boundaries.