I don't know what to do. I keep sabotaging myself. During the time period I wasn't blogging I was taken advantage of several times over in almost every aspect of my life. I felt embarassed about that because I kept feeling like I should
have been psychic, that I should have known...that I should have read people better. Recently for that very reason I kicked almost everyone out of my life that I was not related to, trying to get down to my roots, try to gain more inner strength.
Now I am realizing the nature of my curse. I have needed a friend, someone I am not related to that I can talk to, hang out with, have fun with. Shawn is offering me exactly what I need: a supportive, non-judgemental
friendship...and he has made it clear that it is friendship...that he feels that he can't be in a serious relationship. I have started to entertain thoughts of dating him.
I don't know what to do. My first instinct is
to break it off before I get too attatched and get my heart broken and make a complete fool of myself. But he is exactly what I need! Maybe I should talk to him and be honest with him, maybe together we can come to a solution. It is just
the irony that because he is what I need, may be the reason I may have to break contact.
Maybe I will have figured this all out by tomorrow. I will concentrate on reseting my approach to him. If I try hard enough maybe I can
make myself not care.
I just looked at my post that I made first thing this morning and wow that was dramatic. I am offering a pretty drastic solution
to a problem that with time and right approach could work itself out. I know this forum is making public some of my innermost feelings and yes I am aware that Shawn may read it eventually, but if I really cared about that fact I would delete the post.
Sometimes I like to share information here because it gives the guy the chance to receive the information anonymously and choose how to deal with it without letting me know that they know. I just hope that if this information proves to be too much that
he lets me know instead of just writing me off and disappearing.