What is going on today

Today was a normal day:  Go to work bring my girls home,  make supper, take my girl back to daddy's go back home, sit alone.  Well at least its not a sunday.  Sundays really really suck.  I spend most of the day doing nothing.  I think that is one reason I am turning into a road tripper.  I don't like being home because it still doesn't feel like my home.  I am starting to accept my situation but it still seems so weird.  People tell me my life will be so much better now.  I keep looking around me and wonder how?  I know I definately don't want Leon back...that ship has sailed and I think its somewhere in China now.  I still see the conflict on my girls faces when ever the BSB is mentioned, or when I have to take them to daddy's or when I pick them up.  They still are wishing that mommy and daddy could be together.  By the way if you want to know where my true truthtelling is is in my poetry.  If you can unlock the puzzle in my imagery you see straight into my soul.  I can't lie in my poetry even to myself.

Grr now this is time number 4 writing today's entry.  I am about ready to kill this damn computer.  For some reason the only thing this thing will save is me writing "test test" to see if it will save.  Well I am being smart this time.  I am writing the whole silly thing on notepad then copy/paste.

Well yesterday Kris and I successfully went to Pluto (had a platonic visit) which isn't hard when my thoughts were elsewhere.  We saw Now You See Me which I thought wound up being a pretty cool movie.  Then I came home and had an emotional upset over a tiny insignificant detail about HIM and the BSB (back stabbing bitch).  Why do I even care anymore?  Shouldn't 6 months be enough time to heal after 11 years?  When will I no longer have these little emotional setbacks?  When will it be enough time?

Woot looks like it is working this time!!!

I am sitting here viewing my trashed apartment waiting for my father-in-law to take my girls to church.  I can't help but consider what is in store for me today.  I hate Sundays.  It is the one day a week that I am alone the longest.  I still haven't quite gotten used to being alone.  After 11 years of almost constantly having people around me, the quiet apartment is still unsettling to me.  I think that is one reason I keep seeing Kris.  I had told him a few times that I want to keep our visits plutonic, but almost every time he tries.  I am going to see him again today, if he attempts again today I am going to break off all contact with him I think.  My head is just in a weird place right now.  I want a friend right now, not a booty call.  Don't think too badly of Kris tho, most of the times he had had a willing subject, and he never did anything without consent.

I guess its off to Pluto today!!

Thanks to a recent visit to a dear old friend, my writers block that has been afflicting me for 10 years has finally lifted.  And I can't stop writing.  In fact all of the poetry on my poetry page except for simplicity (which is about 15 years old) were written within the last week.  Hope you enjoy!!!